Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sir Wilhlem: Part 7 An Effed Up Series of Dreams Part 1

My subconscious kicks into overdrive, assuming the role of a panicked thief in a getaway car. The darkness from the knock out quickly fades into a sense of surreal awareness. Opening my eyes, my vision slowly comes back into focus, much like a drunkard becoming sober. I lift my wearied body from the grassy ground, the grass moving back into place, weathering against the pressure of my weight. A slight breeze brushes the hair from my face, its touch quite soothing, seeming to whisper, "Let me rejuvenate you... Caress your tired frame."
A formation of clouds lazily drift by against the vermillion orange shade of the sky. I double-back, surprised at the color. 'ORANGE? I thought the sky was usually blue.' I quickly survey the horizon, trying to find that ball of flames we call the sun to see if it was setting, calling it a night as it drifts ever downward. However, it was nowhere to be found, either hiding, a frightened child after being scolded by its parents, or blown to smithereens by a self-righteous terrorist with the promise of many willing virgins in the afterlife.
BOOM.
The sound deafens my hearing, causing me to plug my ears with my hands for a brief moment. I try to locate the source of such a sound, noticing a gleam far off in the sky. 'What the hell is that?' I think to myself. As I continue to watch its course, I can tell it was moving fast, far faster than any object I have ever seen, towards my direction! Fear or surprise, maybe a mixture of both, wrack my frame. (Wait.. I am a knight of the Oddly Shaped Table.. I do not fear things, I embrace them!) Enthusiasm and excitement oust the other feelings; I skip with my outstretched arms, ready to embrace this occurrence with a bear-hug. (I've had more sane days, if you cannot tell..)
As I make my way towards the predicted point of impact, I look up; the object, a very round shape, was only moments away from crashing to the ground. So, stupidly, as I would say now, I close my eyes, lifting my arms upward to hug this object as it nears. I can hear a shrillness in the wind, probably due to the object hurtling towards me. Suddenly, the intellect I did have left, screamed, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! RUUUNNN!' but it was too late. The object collides with me, with such force, that I am launched into the air. The speed at which I travel is nauseating; my body rolling and tumbling through the air, upwards and upwards. I feel like a coin someone has thrown into the air, trying to guess whether it is heads or tails, to win that petty bet to see who wins the lovely girl's hand.
Surprisingly, even to myself, I manage to ascertain the thinking man's pose; my hand rubbing my chin, my lower body as if in a sitting position. Unfortunately, the only thought that crosses my mind is why Rainbow Brite has a flying unicorn with a multi-colored mane and I do not. By this time, my progress through the air slows, the tumbles and acrobatics lessen. Gravity has me in its sights, taunting me with a 'You are in my grasp now, mortal!' With that, I descend, my impulse to shelter my cranium with my trembling arms. Down, down, down, I fall, where I land, nobody knows! I cringe, sensing great amounts of pain, as the distance between my body and the ground close in.
Grrrugghhh.
I look at my stomach in stupefied awe. 'How can you be hungry at a dire time like this?!' I think loudly to myself. I swat my stomach with my right hand in an act of punishment. Looking down, a very foolish notion, the ground invites me and my soon-to-be broken body. "Oh nooooesss!" I exclaim. With reflexes, unbeknownst to myself even, I push my arms against the ground at impact, launching me into the air once again, but with much more control and maneuvering. I flip and spiral through the air, feeling like Samus Aran, as I plot out my landing. The thing my strategy has not anticipated, though, is a tree that blocks me from my safe landing. "Fuck myself!" is the only thing I can think of to exclaim.
Crack!
My body slides down the tree, much like a bird does after impacting with a glass door. I lay there, beyond dazed, as a quartet of birds flutter and chirp. After what seems an eternity, I regain what's left of my senses, pulling my body from the ground. Out of blind fury, I kick at the tree, hoping to return the favor. Instead, a giant acorn, the size of a medicine ball, falls. I scream and run in circles as the shadow becomes ever darker and with finality, the acorn smashes into me, burying me into the ground.
Hours pass...
I emerge from the hole with the resolution to approach situations with smarter solutions. 'Now, where is the object that caused this whole misadventure?" I ponder. I locate it on the northern horizon at the top of the grassy knoll on which I first stood. I have honestly never looked upon an object such as this. It looks metallic, gleaming with brilliance despite the fact of the absent sun.  Resting in that spot, silently, seeming to wait for an estranged passer-by to unlock its secrets. Curiosity, much the same as a feline's in the face of impending doom, crosses my thoughts. Giddy as a school-girl, I make my way back to it.
Upon arrival, I deduce that it must be some sort of container or ship, its origins unknown to me. I touch the side, an unwavering chill covering my fingertips. Definitely metallic. Having another "Hey let's be stupid" moment, I kick the object with all the force I can muster. Instantly, I hop around like the village idiot might do, after accidentally shoving his foot in a bed of coals. Around this time, the door to the pod opens, a steam escaping the interior, happy to be out in the open. A gloved hand grasps the side, helping to pull the figure from its previous position.
"Hello!" I yell, the pain finally subsiding from my bruised foot. I can tell the figure was not of this world; its hair a fiery orange draping the shoulders of the suit it wears, its skin a sickly green unlike mine. It observes the surroundings until it spots me. I realize the figure is not an it, but most definitely a she, or at least it appears to be female. Without so much as a warning, the figure pulls on the zipper on the front of the suit, intending to shed it. Talk about happiness! I dance around, in an idiotic display, not even trying to mask the emotions that have captured my senses. She relieves herself from the suit, gracefully tossing it aside. She stands, half-naked, the only apparel masking her fully naked body is her bra and undies.
"The Gods must love me today!" I exclaim, throwing myself onto her frame. I expect a similar action from her, a sign of affection, one that treats me to a fun night ahead. Instead, she flicks my forehead, causing me to stumble and fall down the hill. 'Gah, curse my luck!' is my thought as I lay there. I slowly clamber back up, my reserve weakened and betrayed. She stands there, amused, her lips curling into a full smile. "How could you do that?! I only wanted to greet you in a humanly fashion!" I spit out, pointing at her. She merely shakes her head, motioning for me to come near once more. I feel rather wary, at this point, about doing so. I shake such thoughts off and approach once more, unsure of the outcome. I do keep my distance, though, just in case.
She was very attractive for an other-worldly being. I fight to keep my thoughts from dirty notions.
'My name is Arylia.' a thought enters my mind. I can only assume that she was talking to me, telepathically, since her lips had not moved once.
I bow, trying to show a bit of regal and of course, respect. ''My name is Sir Wilhelm of the Oddly Shaped Table, protector of the weak and frail, enemy to those that endanger a happy, productive life-style."
She briefly claps, out of amusement or just humoring me, I cannot tell. Without warning, she approaches me, throwing off the gloves that had once adorned her hands. Once she is inches from me, she begins caressing my body. I can only think that after the Gods, having put me through so many toils and unfortunate events, finally favor me. On the outside, I stand very still, savoring the moment in its entirety. On the inside, I fist-pump the air, too excited for words.
"What called for this course of action?" I reluctantly ask, knowing this moment cannot last forever.
'On my planet, this is a sign of greeting' she muses, her voice a sweet honey echoing in my head. 'I have come all this way to find a suitable mate, and seeing how you are the one individual that welcomes my arrival, I wish to throw myself onto you, in hopes that you will take me as your own.'
I ooze at the words, feeling like a liquid being soaked up by the ground to nourish the plants that inhabit its surface. My thoughts do hand-stands in jubilation at such a response. My body trembles at the prospect of her attraction towards me. I figure I come off as having a breakdown, since she backs away, bewilderment clear in her eyes. Regaining my composure, I state, "Apologies. I am not used to prospects like the one you have just announced. I am far too used to being chased away by the opposite gender, probably for the fact that I am considered far too dirty-minded to be taken seriously. I can't help it that I enjoy being a peeping tom. The idea of seeing bare skin..." I drool uncontrollably.
'I assume you would very much enjoy seeing my features to the fullest?' Arylia asks, biting her lip seductively.

"Oh my god! YES I WOULD!!" I shout, realizing my voice has lost its manly manner, but instead sounds like a boy hitting puberty; the crack in my voice betraying any sense of seriousness. 'Why, oh why, must you do such things in face of such a promising situation?!' I ask, as I mentally kick myself.

Arylia slowly points to a spot by a giant oak, its branches spreading shade for all to enjoy. I throw myself onto the spot, still drooling at the thought of seeing features foreign to my most recent experiences. Jumping up, I turn to face her, anticipating the dropping of clothes. She begins moving in arms, a flurry of blinding speed, as if practicing a ritual. I watch with amazement, due to her actions and the randomness of the scene. My eyes barely catch the movement, the speed ever increasing, nearly creating vertigo. The movements gradually slow down, stopping with her arms, outstretched, above her head. I wait, hoping to see the clothes fall from her intoxicating form, the sight in which I have waited for since meeting this divine goddess. (Woah... Don't I already sound attached? Damn my emotions! More like stab them in a psychotic fashion. Stab, stab, stab, muahaha, I will not spare a single emotion! Erm... Anyways..)

She smiles deeply, giving me the sense that she finds me irresistable. The perfect curvature of her lips making my heart tumble and sputter. Within an instant, her warm face transforms into a cold, spiteful form; her frown creating icicles in my soul. She flings her arms downward, sending tremors in my directions. I nimbly jump into the air, relieved that my reflexes act faster than my mind.

'Look down.' Her voice echoes.

Doing as instructed, I look down only to find the ground that had once been beneath my feet replaced by a black void, more than capable of engulfing everything that is me. Out of reaction, I flail my arms and legs in a swimming motion, trying to flutter to intact earth. Of course, this is foolish, as I begin to make my descent. With one final motion, I flip her the bird as I fall from her view. 'All I wanted was to behold your beauty,' I think to myself. She leans over the hole and blows me a kiss, a kind gesture compared to her previous action. I shoo it away, quite annoyed by her presence. With that, I disappear into the void... A new level of darkness engulfing me, tearing away at me; the cat sadistically playing with a scratch post.

"You bitch! And Gods, I don't even know what to say to you anymore... All you ever do is toy with me, luring me in with a false sense of hope and trust, and then you piss on it, like someone pisses on the grave of the one they hate, silently laughing at my misfortunes! When I finally die, I will find all of you and give you a bleeding anus!"

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